News

News? NEWS? Yeah, stuff that is new. New stuff. Happiness.

So news is the art of being a boring person on television. It is very easy. All you have to say is 'An Australian guy won $10 on the lottery' and no one will give a damn about it, and so they won't listen, and in the end, sleep. They would sleep while keeping the television on, and so the television will waste electricity, and make them pay high electricity bills for sleeping through the news. What a wonderful way to earn Energy companies money!

$$$
So, how do they make money? Well, to be quite frank, I have no damn idea. You just give em money, and bam: they earn money, no sh*t. But what is the easiest way for them news reporters to gain money? It's by giving others money. For example, they might hear about news that is absolutely tragic, like '10 young children died in Africa from starvation', and give the charities in Africa all of their money. As a result of this, they will become really poor, and get sent to a charity to try and earn themselves money again. I don't know, just a short story written by [insert writer here]. Errr... you know... a non-existent writer. But whatever. The important part is, they're generous. They give people money. And in the end, become extremely poor. Like a bauss.

Like a Boss
Them news reporters? They do everything like a bauss (ok, I'll say boss from now on). They are extremely good at doing life skills and all that crap, like cleaning the news table thingo to make it look nice and sparkly on TV. They wipe the table so much that, in the end, they feel like they have already wasted so much time in their life, because the table is mostly dirty from coffee stains, coffee stains, and lots of cocaine.

You see, they are just as awesome as Spies. They know no fear. They know no danger. They know nothing.

That's why they're the bosses of the world.

Copyright Issues
This page has received some criticism from critical critics, and they have told us at the Awesome Randomness Wiki that we have been using their lines, though it is utterly impossible for that to happen. Reason? Well, I actually have close to no idea why they are sueing us or complaining to us or whatever the hell they're trying to do to us and our wiki, but you know, it's bad. Please join our team. Please tell them to f*ck off. We enjoy their phrases, we use em. That's how we roll.



So we've been apparently using some espionage crap for our wiki page, which involves news, and news reporters and sh*t. This is outrageous. We are being accused of using a line in the movie Rowan Atkinson, featuring 'He Knows No Fear', 'He Knows No Danger', and 'He Knows Nothing', with the tagline 'Johnny JE English', with credits to 'Prepare for British Intelligence'.

How does all this, have anything to do with what's happening on this current wiki page? Amazing. Some people are dumbasses. Watch out everyone, some people are dumb dumbasses, who can sometimes be news reporters.

Quotes From Others About This Page
"Bright individual right there", Noob Studios, 2011 BC

"Whattahead", Dumbasses, 2011 BC

"...", The Kensington Cunts, 2011 BC

"Huh?", OMGWTFBBQ, 2011 BC

"What... the... F*CK", WTF Productions, 2011 BC

"Noob", Douchebags of London, 2011 BC

"AMAZING. I NEVER KNEW ABOUT THAT. YOU'RE AMAZING, AWESOME RANDOMNESS WIKI!", The Good Guys, Pay Less Pay Cash BC

[needs more references and sh*t]